Courtesy of my buddy Joe Kelly:
A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the old lady above, sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"
"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get a little lovin', and don't exercise at all."
"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"
"Thirty-four," she replied.