Dr Rob 3-20-17

Monday, March 20th

00:15:57

Transcription

Now back to rub anybody and gone on now. They TR XQ dot net. You're listening to. I don't and dawn show called him any. 889990. Lemon or listen on. I'll carry the brand reunite comments from Matthew. As I even tried just just came in during the break even driving a semi truck across northern Arizona since 10 PM last night. Your show is going to keep me awake through the remaining 230 miles you guys are all saw. All shook that. We can help somebody who. That's not the rugs that working got a question comment problem here on the receiving a 9990. Levees and how great that doctor. RE DS rant radio dot com please remember I'm not actually doctors that we should probably just sucks. Our personal line is from Victoria Victoria says dear doctor rob my name is Victoria we. Yeah oh yeah. I'm had a problem with my husband and I'd like your advice my husband and I've been happily married for seventeen years. He is a very outgoing and charismatic person he gets along with most people who bend over backwards to help pretty much anyone. Over the years he sacrificed time with our kids and even myself to help out his friends he's a very kind loving husband and father. And I would never suspect him of cheating or anything like that. However. He does have this friend and he's known her for over twenty years number they've been married for seventeen female friend owner for over twenty years they were childhood friends. I never suspected anything had ever happened between the two because they both stated early on and our relationship that they never dated. Nor did they ever have sex. The little day. She was visiting announce I don't know when this happened on his reading and she wrote it today she was visiting us on her way back home from visiting with relatives. As they chatted I left to go to the store to get groceries and the kids were at school. When I got home. I caught them. Well full and well. I guide. My husband was. Going to town on her own given a description he was fully clothed and so wishy except for ransom. Ride and now I now know. Bad. I dropped everything I saw what that's bad for the groceries. I dropped everything was carrying when I saw this and I certain yell and scream my husband I slap the woman across the face in order to get out of my house yeah. My husband's explanation was completely. Unbelievable. He said that this was a normal thing between them full. The blue. That when one of them would get stressed out and needed to release the other would help them out. Are you shape it. Right and all my god he then said that he ever had sex and I never wanted. This. So this form. A whenever you're gonna call it was the front this they'd ever go on would never go any further. Because it would violate their friendship. Somebody teenager what you have to respond. All right. And oh my guy again this is what she wrote that she wrote I mean come on win bullying back on her own this is after. I told my need is some times you myself to think about this and I told him I was going to stay with one of my friends until I could figure this out. I guess my question is just that I would like some advice on what to do. Do I forgive him and set new ground rules you make it into the curb which could be devastating for our children I don't know what to do. Well look there's a lot more to it than just as black and white as you're making it Victoria. As I always cautioned people I am not pro divorce when I'm also not pro staying together for the kids because so many times that's actually worse for the kids. And I understand you have to consider them but this this is beyond in my opinion just a small little minor. Not that she is ever a minor dalliance or whatever but this is beyond the that is the whole violation of everything to me edited this just artery you've been married for seventeen years he's known her for twenty how many times does happen. How many times has she helped him out at that and and and the idea. That he that a he and she apparently after her opinion matters there's the the other woman. Aren't they don't define this is sex I'm sorry are we all over that comes the act as its B a break in the marital bonds goes out of high school and Bill Clinton daisy but he. Any idea. That. I hey if you're if you're writing this literally that he said they wouldn't go any further because it would violate their friendship never mind your marital bonds of room. And that this and you know what I tell you though here's the one positive thing I can save Victoria. They're your husband I there was being completely candid with you or is the greatest B essar of all time because they come up with that story on the fly would be pretty impressive. I I I think he's tell you the truth I think that's how they look at it don't matter right. And and look whether or not you just kick into the curb over this week as we discussed on the show for twenty years. There are people that come back from infidelity and lying and cheating and they do somehow turn around and make it work and I've always said those people are better people than I am. I I know my limitations and I wouldn't even be willing to try kids involved or not at least that's my opinion. At this time not being a father. However there are also plenty of people that try and fail and then there are those who have the zero tolerance policy like me when it comes to any form of infidelity which is what I think this is. I can't tell you what to do. I can only tell you. He has been so blatantly dishonest with you for so long. This is a big wanted to put back is a lot of toothpaste to show back in the two. Honestly I mean of course you wanna talk to people I appreciate her right you know certainly friends that she's gonna talk do but no one can tell you what to do. Only in it I know you wanna look for someone to tell you what to do. But if this is this is your marriage this is a life you know this is yours and of course you can talk to people about it I'll say that again. But this is for you to figure out what's. You wanna do and there's no right or wrong answer to see that's the problem when you let too many people low. You'll get too many opinions on what you need to deal when you do the opposite of what they said I gotta deal with back. So. Just old. Little whatever it is that you choose and don't let people make you feel right or wrong forecasters are right around it's what's gonna work for you if you stay. You need to know this is going to be a very eerie very long road because. You're not only dealing with being lied to for how many years now I mean that's just such a huge betrayal how many times has this happened he's got to come clean with all of actually. And you also have to deal with not only rebuilding trust. Which okay that's a whole other level there's a real things to deal with here and she come to terms. To where he knows this is wrong. 'cause she doesn't see this is wrong but I don't doubt. His Jersey this is Ron aura violation to the current energy sees as a violation. The friendship it's going further yet if you go further there's a lot of layers. And you bolt pat this is not something you can do by yourself he has to be willing to go down this game hard and we'll Carolina apparently go out quite a lot. Hard road with you a lot of sadness a lot of crying a lot of anger a lot of love what I mean it's gonna take so much it's not even funny and the first thing that happens it's really easy. Is this bitch friend is no longer in his night. But got phone numbers 889899. The eleven that led by the way in and of itself be the breaking point you might find out he cares more about her than you know unfortunately I actually agree with delay the onset I mean did he how long and how much longer would he have continued to do this apart from the remainder of your marriage and tell you guys both pat. Passed away. I mean that's this is what it took three you'll find out this was happening agenda walked in on them. At this devastating it's unfortunate but you have to do what's best for yourself and for your kids that that's that should be your first and foremost priority but you know if you wanna work this I was here was here. When your husband you gotta do it dawned said he didn't take the time you animation he's willing to put in the work. And you know I'll definitely get some counseling because this guy needs to figure out. Where his moral bar is sue sue combined by the way those two comments the other the other thing that's gonna make it harder for you and take more time is you can't un see what you saw that's right there. Many layers to this this this is a little more in not that it's not devastating but this is more devastating to the senses. Then catching somebody in an email exchange or texting exchange you saw it this is the all I walked and and there's my husband doing and one of the most including. Things you can do to a. Yeah any response yeah and its release I don't sort of rather walked in on full on sex. Because this whole incident you know what I mean I mean not really really is and you know what people that have made it work when you talk to them. They not down and dirty hit it bogey on down there. It was a long road they go down the traction to oh yeah. Aaron asked yeah it was a zero for. There was no time limit on it right and there was no time once they forgave there was no brain no not again I mean there's this is a long. Hard road you can always change your mind you're able to do that you might start down the road and figure it's not for you or you may say screw it I don't wanna go through this much trouble phone numbers in any. 9899 the eleven Susan mentioned by the way how many kids ages anything like that for those either wondering earth that would play into your decision and they've been married for seventeen years so that's good morning. Good morning guys I. They used to the fact that you know they keep you could've came up with to just sit lie. On the spot really quickly. Or he could be telling the truth but then again you we don't know how long it's been going on. So you might there's there's this whole story in his back pocket just waiting and all the time he got caught. Well he's decided that it's a normal thing between them in a normal thing between them means that this is a regular occurrence and they had a history and a. Happening I don't do this all the time just blow off steam down. I'm really honored to. I'm gonna friend is just friends yeah. I went and grabbed one of Don box does go to show today Madonna really stressed that. On the opening hello Paul good morning. You murder book party rarity a ball. Yeah I'd look into what about those Dave Taylor why did you got to have his pants down like how many friends were in all honesty does he had gathered the other countdown with. When he went to get pulled out some. Well you could just. Good point we take in remember. In this particular example so heinous he was fully enclosed when the white walked in she had her hands down so we all know what he was doing to her but you bring up a good point is this early blows off steam no pun intended but his other friends. And Jolie back. Some balls and the drying you know minus. The betrayal displeasure with this little IE only she's lived this whole library act. That would be the worst of it like this this is somebody you don't know what she's meeting this person for the first time. You already back seventeen years ago yeah. The husband she's always known this new husband she's just meet him like who the hell is this guy do you like how devastating. Got to know your answer I'll. Yeah what links has he gone to cover this sad before because I'm sorry if they if she wanted to urge you start he was going to town. Then he's gonna need like lots of space with gasoline very. I mean he cares there's so blank covering up the what's going on that. I mean I know I mean if anything I think she should take this as a blessing in disguise because I feel like catching him now. Even though it does suck and it probably hurts it's been. And better than I feel like he would be that type a guy who on as does the bill gold by the way. You know I did all these things than crowd in this bill. I've definitely match for. Stay out of that is crazy and there's an email and our idea Brad radio dot com this is from Erica okay Eric assets to the woman whose husband was having sex with his quote unquote friend. He sounds to me like a self absorbed narcissistic. This isn't easy but I would say leave him and be happy they'll always make excuses for his misbehavior and clearly he's putting that woman before you hit. He doesn't care isn't see this is wrong and if you stay he'll do it over and over because that's the man he is for your piece I'd leave it. Jailed on one hand I was seeing she's just met this guy intermarriage but I'm wondering now we'll share some time alone if she. Looks at things back there might be innocent jerseys get those little glimpses but we refuse them. You know I mean they're like yeah a little teeny tiny bit we called it of those relationships he just yeah just like let it go but then you find out something or they. All starting incentives on poor thing you know all that weekend though that naive or why do you all know that. That smelled nice smell Montana organs just the heat you know she said as she wasn't anywhere she would think would do this new. But I just want either he's the best scam artist or I'm just wondering if while she's a load she's gonna see certain signs such that he was cheered this girl but that. He was it. Who she thought he left this man she does I does she barrier islands. Of that you know maybe throughout their time to think oh well meaning that I ordered that he is the EP is. Putting it you know in the past sees it he bends over backwards for everybody else so how. Just how much is he going out of his way to help this other woman you know is she one of those women that it's like oh my. My hot water he or my water heater went out I need help so he's dropping everything to go help her and is putting this woman's needs in Paramus family yet because he's. Continuing on this. You know or whole affair. Also combine those two also and by the way dead. Do we believe it's only oral. They don't just a question that at some point as the wife as well as some window now. Oh quite possible it could. It all really sounds it is also possible since he's a liar that you don't know what to believe and then the other questions into to combine the Amanda and Don comments there. What about all of these instances where he's bent over backwards to help his friends he's member quote he sacrificed time with our kids myself to about his friends was he really was he with a woman. Well let's see here's I am saying now because she did it at the expense of heard the kids helping other people. Is he a firefighter or cop serving the military. A doctor or nurse like being like that the MTV those people are constantly putting themselves at risk. Where they could die in that it's at the expense of their own family but that's what they signed up to do. Other than that utopian view moments you other than that why is heat. At the expense of you guys and it's one thing to help people of course you are one of the Eagles had a people were bent over backwards or friends helping them but not at the expense of my kids or husband. Needed me don't miss your kids Little League game to help your body move phew that's right watches that's right so like maybe these aren't the sort of sit. I think this guy and these are really put out he is had been put out right now. Radio dot com from Zach. Says all of this sex talk makes me want across the sock command I have one of the many videos you mentioned above the Marlins on holy hell you like to okay. He's gone.